(picture from the Robert Delderfield tribute site)

The following is a vignette from a satirical story I wrote a few years ago about working as an AQA examiner with my dear friend Bob. For context – in the story Ask a Quietened Angel, the satirical ruse is that I am Philip Marlow come to England to investigate and ‘clean up’ an unnamed company.

Each vignette/chapter features people and places that were significant to my real experience of working each summer in Manchester. It also included, as with this chapter, those who were most influential in my experiences, and especially, again with this chapter, those who became the dearest of friends:

Our Day Out

‘So which of you guys is George and which is Lennie?’ I ask.

The tall one looks at the other who isn’t as tall but is looking back at him just as puzzled.

‘Neither,’ the bigger one says.

‘I was told you were George and Lennie, the two guys from the ‘our days out’ in Manchester at AQA, according to the American Mike and his friend Kev.’

‘George and Lennie aren’t from what I think you mean is Our Day Out,’ the one who isn’t as tall as the other one tells me. ‘They’re from Of Mice and Men.’

‘You’re George and Lennie from the book?’ I ask.

‘We have been called Gogo and Didi,’ the one who is taller than the other says.

‘I am confused, but it isn’t the first time since I’ve been here.’

‘My name is Bob,’ the taller one tells me.

‘And I’m Richard,’ the one who isn’t as tall as Bob says.

‘It’s a literary joke,’ Bob says.

‘Banter?’ I ask.

‘Yes,’ says Richard.

‘So are you George and Lennie or Googo and Didi?’

‘That’s Gogo and Didi,’ Bob corrects, ‘but I would be Lennie because of my height – no other reason I hasten to add – and he would be George,’ Bob points to Richard.

‘Mind explaining?’ I ask.

‘Well, I’d quite like to know why you are asking,’ Richard says. ‘You are?’

‘Ishmael,’ I say, thinking this ‘banter’ might be a fun thing to start getting involved in, but neither George or Lennie or Bob or Richard or Gogo or Didi seem very interested. ‘I’m Marlowe, Philip Marlowe, and I am investigating the demise of AQA English and you two used to work for them I have been told.’

‘We did,’ Richard says, ‘and we heard you were making enquiries so we were also having some fun with you.’

‘It’s been a gas so far,’ I say.

‘How can we help?’ Bob asks.

‘You could start with this ‘our day out’ business.’

‘It is a good place to begin,’ Bob says. ‘As part of our full commitment as senior examiners on our syllabus, monitoring the work of examiners as well as marking our own papers, we also always worked in Manchester in the summer for a short period. It was called Review where we looked at making right exam papers that might have been poorly marked for all kinds of reasons – like someone having been ill or suffered a personal crisis – or exam papers we knew were badly marked for no reasons other than they were badly marked. It would be for around eight or a few more days, and on one of these, usually a Sunday, a small group of us would take the day off working and go out to socialise. Someone called it Our Day Out after a play we probably all taught at one time in our collective teaching careers because it was about a bunch of school kids that go out for a day to enjoy themselves, to put it in a nutshell.’

‘I see. I think. But then I have been making modifications to my expectation of understanding all of the ins and outs of this investigation. It’s been a tough nut to crack.’

‘Yes,’ Bob says, smiling.

‘And where would you guys go on your day out?’ I ask.

‘The sewers,’ Bob says, smiling.

I’d been told before coming to England that I wouldn’t understand the English use of irony because I was an American. I don’t quite understand this, but I know it isn’t irony. I know a thing or two about sewers which comes with the job, unfortunately, but I don’t get the idea this is what Bob is talking about, and not just because he’s smiling. He obviously senses my loneliness in the outfield, and continues.

‘We’d go for a walk along the canal to Salford, which is really another part of Manchester, or take a short train trip out in the country to have a walk and a pub lunch, or we once went locally to the Museum of Science and Industry and we ended up taking a tour in the Underground Manchester sewerage part of the presentations on the industrialisation of the city. It was fascinating.’

‘No shit?’ I say, chancing my own style of ironic out-of-towner observation.

‘No shit indeed,’ Bob says, smiling. ‘But the George and Lennie as well as Gogo and Didi tags got attached on our first Sunday outing when we got lost walking along the Manchester Canal, so Richard would keep running ahead and up sideroads leading above the canal to try and get a bearing on where we were heading. You’d have to know the books and their stories to get the full gist of the named references.’

‘I’m sure,’ I say, ‘but I’m guessing it’s an endearment from what I am learning about the good and better days of AQA English?’

‘Yes,’ Bob says, and the smile this time has a more complex element of the plaintive in the recalling. Or it could just be I’ve got my eye in on this side of things.

‘I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite,’ Bob says.

‘Pardon me?’

‘Les Dawson,’ Bob says, and nods to Richard. He seems surprised, then nods too.

‘I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas, but is she grateful? No, she says she’d rather have it in a cup,’ Richard says.

‘Come again?’

‘Eric Morecombe,’ Richard says.

‘Come on guys, you got me. OK?’

‘Went to the paper shop – it had blown away,’ Bob says, and then both he and Richard put their arms out in front of them and say something about just like that in stupid voices. They start laughing.

‘Tommy Copper,’ Bob says. ‘Great British comedians. One of our best days out was to Blackpool. It’s a famous English seaside resort, known for its tower.’

‘Never heard of it,’ I say.

‘There’s a huge pavement area on the seafront that’s called Comedy Carpet and most of the great English comedians have some of their jokes written there – in massive letters and with artwork – for people to walk about on, read and enjoy. It was a great day. Laughter all round. That was usual, but this was extra,’ Richard adds.

‘I got it now guys,’ I say. And I do. I understand the ‘our day out’ and I understand a lot more about the way these fine people enjoyed one another’s company as well as working together. It isn’t difficult to piece it all together, but I have enjoyed the journey.

And you know, I think I’m there. I’m there knowing that AQA English was once held in the highest regard by these fine men and women. I’m there in knowing that this isn’t the case now. It sounds like they’ve all kept going through the bond they share as buddies. You don’t need to be a Dick to find this out.

I don’t feel like I have to interview any more widely now. All I need is one final stab. And I think it has to be with my fellow American, Mike. Just the one more time.

(pictures from two of our outings)