Donald Trump took to the witness stand for the first time today in his lawsuit against Kim Yong-un, claiming the North Korean leader goaded him into behaving like a complete asshole.

The North Korean leader has filed a counter-suit against the President of the United States stating that Trump’s war rhetoric was in danger of making the American sound more of an irrational despot than Kim has been for years.

Both claims are being considered at the trial.

On the third day of testimony, Trump said that his current, definitely still current Press Secretary, had witnessed the goading in a secret Skype conference the two world leaders had had recently regarding who was the bigger twat.

‘He goaded my ass,’ Trump said. ‘He goaded the bare cheek of my ass right in front of my Press Secretary and the other mindless sycophants who were in the conference room with me,’ he further asserted.

The lawyer of the North Korean leader questioned Trump about the possibility of any goading making him look a bigger asshole than he already was.

The trial was later suspended when the Judge ruled there would need to be time to reconcile differences of linguistic interpretation of the words asshole and ass as well as establish the size of such whatever the epistemological conclusions and to seek specialist advice on when exactly either Trump or Kim Yong-un could be considered to be irrational and bereft of reason and whether this had anything to do with innate assholeness or if this could be a goaded-into proclivity.