Karaoke Krazy

As reported in today’s Guardian, news of secondary schools seeking to hit demanding GCSE performance targets by switching to ‘alternative’ courses and qualifications has caused outrage among many politicians, especially those in Government and responsible for promoting the national academisation policy of its recent White Paper. Education Minister Nick Glib appeared on ITV News this evening and read from the Guardian article what he called ‘one of the newspaper’s more disturbing revelations’:

The DfE said it was looking closely at GCSE-equivalent qualifications such as the European Computer Driving Licence (ECDL), which can be taught in as little as three days but is equivalent in the DfE’s league tables to a two-year GCSE such as history.

Glib went on to explain that one of the qualifications coming under close scrutiny was for a new subject called Political Karaoke which offers students the opportunity to compose and perform a well-known ‘popular’ song melody with an original re-written lyric for examination. These new lyrics must be based on the phenomenon of political parties – especially the Conservatives – standing by its members regardless of how stupid or criminal they have behaved in either or both of their private and public lives.

A spokesperson from the qualification’s Awarding Body, Spincity College London, did not wish to appear live on the ITV programme but did provide a written statement which offered the following:

Students are tasked with choosing a contemporary political figure who they determine has demonstrated poor ethical or legal judgements and/or acts whilst in a position of authority. They then compose a song lyric to a familiar tune about that person’s total lack of integrity when denying any responsibility for their misdemeanours.  As a template and guide, a re-written version of Tammy Wynette’s ‘Stand By Your Man’ is provided for students to use.

We have been able to acquire a copy of the exemplar lyrics presented in the syllabus for this subject:

Stand By the PM Man

Sometimes it’s hard to be a minion
Giving all your trust to the PM man
You’ll have bad times, and he’ll have very good times
Doin’ things offshore you don’t understand
But if you voted for him, you’ll have to trust him
Even though he’s a bugger to understand
And if you support him, oh be blind about him
‘Cause after all he’s the PM man.
Stand by the PM man, give him Daddy’s accounts to cling to
And something porkish to come to
When nights are cold and lonely.
Stand by the PM man, and show the world you trust him
Keep giving all the trust you fucking can.
Stand by the PM man.
Stand by the PM man, and show the world you trust him
Keep giving all the blind faith you can.
Stand by the PM man.

Read the Guardian article here.