[enter shepherd who recounts a few survivors’ stories]*

They told me they fell – I took notes so I quote – because

I was scared shitless
There was nowhere else to run
Someone was counting me over
I was checking out the floatability of wool
My name is Lemming
I have poor depth perception
A bear has 10,000 pounds of force when angered
I was testing the Doppler Effect for anyone climbing that cliff
Where am I?
I wasn’t looking where I was going
My PhD in ‘The Success of Pastoralism’ needed a theory verified
Yo era uno de los 169
I’m gregarious
We are a prey animal
My intelligence is ranked just below a pig’s – have you read ‘Animal Farm’?
Some sheep shouted ‘Sheer!’ but I just thought it was that time of year again: damn homophones
I was singing R. Kelly

*Reported in today’s Guardian, 200 sheep jumped off a cliff to their death in the Pyrenees, chased by a bear